The apartment is quiet in the way that isn't peace. Between the midnight Slack pings and a bottle that shouldn't be in the fridge, Lady waits for the morning.
Your site is well set up! You have a strong voice. You filter a lot (like it’s your default), though, and most of your sentences follow a “subject verbed” construction. Some amazing images and metaphor, but the filters make me watch the character instead of being the character, and so many paragraphs starting with “Lady” or “She” is noticeable, probably even to non-editors.
You’re likely doing fine and don’t want the advice, but you have such a strong voice and great imagery, I figured I’d give it to you anyway. Your voice and characterization deserves the sharpest delivery possible.
Damn! One of my favorite things about your writing is how smart it is, but it also never takes itself too seriously. Additionally you touch on and tap into feelings we all struggle with. Cracking up at the beginning when she’s finishing This Book May Kill You, but then damn, relatable all the rest. I’m so behind but glad to be catching up now! Great Chapter 1!
Wow - this is such a tense, disturbing read: lives subjugated to the demands of work; attention shattered by a billion digital demands; a relationship being slowly jimmied apart by the simple fact the doomscroll is more compelling. The phrasing is tight and neatly-constructed, the tension is palpable and the characters are, in their own quiet way, tragic. Looking forward to see where this goes in future chapters!
Your site is well set up! You have a strong voice. You filter a lot (like it’s your default), though, and most of your sentences follow a “subject verbed” construction. Some amazing images and metaphor, but the filters make me watch the character instead of being the character, and so many paragraphs starting with “Lady” or “She” is noticeable, probably even to non-editors.
You’re likely doing fine and don’t want the advice, but you have such a strong voice and great imagery, I figured I’d give it to you anyway. Your voice and characterization deserves the sharpest delivery possible.
I appreciate the deep dive on that chapter.
I never know if I’m coming across like an asshole. If I did, I truly apologize.
All good. You weren't entirely wrong.
Damn! One of my favorite things about your writing is how smart it is, but it also never takes itself too seriously. Additionally you touch on and tap into feelings we all struggle with. Cracking up at the beginning when she’s finishing This Book May Kill You, but then damn, relatable all the rest. I’m so behind but glad to be catching up now! Great Chapter 1!
As always thank you for the kind words! I'm glad you're digging it. Nothing is what it seems...
Looking forward to the rest! Was kind of nice to let them pile up and binge read 😂 But back to my Friday routine now
This story feels personal. I was transported directly back to a time when my life was owned by the company store. Excited to read more!
Wow - this is such a tense, disturbing read: lives subjugated to the demands of work; attention shattered by a billion digital demands; a relationship being slowly jimmied apart by the simple fact the doomscroll is more compelling. The phrasing is tight and neatly-constructed, the tension is palpable and the characters are, in their own quiet way, tragic. Looking forward to see where this goes in future chapters!
Ironic or sad that so many couples have this as a template for their existences currently.I suppose that's the real horror.
Ironic and sad indeed. I like to think it’s still not the majority of couples, but it’s still horrifying for anyone to be living like this.
My god, Miles! This is so good! Endlessly astute, concisely-crafted quotable lines.
🙏
The tension here is carried in what isn’t said. The small details do the work.
That bottle, the unanswered moments, the repetition of delay. It all accumulates in a way that feels very real. I am curious to see how this unfolds.
Well it's going to get worse before it gets better, but I'm sure you already knew that!
I would be disappointed otherwise Miles
Great characterization, and I’m eager to see where this heads!
Thank you! Lady was a character I really wanted to get right from the jump, so this means a lot. Buckle up.
This is awesome! I love the escalating dread brought on by small details, like the wine bottle that shouldn't be there.
🙏 More of that’s coming. See you Friday.