19 Comments
User's avatar
Fiona Bridges's avatar

Oh no! What have I done!

Jean Miller's avatar

Well, don't I feel like a sadistic voyeur now for reading to the end.

Miles Carnegie's avatar

Welcome to the club. We have straightjackets.

J. Michael Thomas's avatar

Strange how one of the most compelling stories I’ve read is literally someone begging me to stop reading. Don’t tell him, but I’m going to keep reading. Well done!

Kathleen Dreams in Color's avatar

I can only read horror, this is the perfect beginning to drag someone in.

Rachael's avatar

Well, I read it. I’m so sorry. Keep writing like this and I’m not going to stop.

Excellent.

Miles Carnegie's avatar

Good. I've got plenty more where that came from.

Justin Zimmer's avatar

Great job—dragging the reader in as an unwilling participant because how can you not read to the end? Brilliant.

Randy M's avatar

Reminds me of the Will Ferrell movie Stranger than Fiction, which I enjoyed.

I have no idea where this is going but it's intriguing.

Miles Carnegie's avatar

Love that movie. There’s something deeply wrong with realizing you’re just a plot point in someone else’s bad day. As for where it’s going, just remember that the narrator isn't always on your side. Thanks for reading.

Becky Hayward's avatar

I’m hooked!!

Noel's avatar

Hey Miles,

My fault for not reading this when you first sent it to my note awhile back. But this was a cool original horror story. I love the fear and dread your character feels, your pacing is solid and it makes me wonder what the other chapters are going to focus on!

Miles Carnegie's avatar

Glad you didn't die reading it. Yet. I’m focusing on the visceral side of the fear, so hearing that the pacing felt solid is great. The next chapters take some turns I don't think you'll see coming.

Dennis's avatar

I was just yesterday looking for examples of 2nd-person narration to read. I didn't even consider meta-fiction / fourth-wall breaking. I'll have to read this first ;)

Miles Carnegie's avatar

Second person is a fun way to make sure the reader cannot hide 😏

Notes from the Hill's avatar

absolutely loved this!!! amazingly written. wow. more please 🙏

Monica A Leyva's avatar

Miles. I thought I would read a chapter then read more tomorrow. Ooops I was drawn in and now I aim to get caught up. So very good.